REFRESH REFRESH REFRESH!

I don't usually get homesick, in fact I only tend to ring home if I need money (dad if your reading, I miss you lots and I'm only joking hehe) or I've lost my credit card (again). However I've just watched Bath's Freshers Week videos and it looks IMMENSE!!! Can't believe how much I miss dressing up like a twat, getting battered and corrupting innocent freshers!

Prison or university?

I hate this place!!! Not only do I think my French is actually getting worse but my school subjects an unnecessary amount of pain on its students which is similar to that witnessed in locations such as Guantanamo Bay prison!!! Oh you may accuse me of being melodramatic but you weren't there!!! Tuesday was presentation day for my "Habiletés de direction" class however it wasn't an IMML "lets read straight off the piece of paper" presentation, oh no, they bloody well film you!!!! So I'm there, like a nervous wreck, in front of not only my class of non immigrants and my lecturer, but a bloody camera man wielding a microphone!!! And to add insult to injury I can now watch my presentation on the Internet and cringe further at my French accent and attemps of conviction as I write a self evaluation of my ordeal!!!

Ps Montreal I don't really hate you, I like you lots and lots and lots!!! Recovered from video camera ordeal with a night of tea and shisha, sat outside on one of the hottest september nights in the history of all time (ok I over exagerate a little but it was still like 30c). Tea.......ahhh hehe make me think of Bliss, Sophle and the converted Nomes when its NEIGHBOURS TIME, can't believe you never digged the tea Burrows!!!

Strange things happen when your an immigrant...

I know you're all jealous not to be the first, but someone had to be the coolest and obviously it was going to be the Montreal bunch! This week Sandra (our placement coordinator from Bath Uni) was visiting to ensure that everything was going swimmingly!!! It was really really werid seeing someone from home in a place that wasn't home, and really reassuring when she told us not to freak out if we were finding the French difficult because it was supposed to be difficult (ha!!) although it wasn't so reassuring when she told us that they work you harder at HEC Montreal than any other business school we can attend on the IMML programme! Oh well, what other country has a Ben and Jerry ice cream shop open until 3.am :-)

Friday = fat shaped heaven when Heta and Oreo (her roomie) held the best culinary night of my life. Pancakes (made with rum yum yum) were consumed at an alarming rate with an array of highly fattening complements. Twas followed by another immigrant soirée and some killer cocktails at a bar called GogoLounge which is now on my "funky Montreal bar list;" wicked DJ and all the cocktail menu was made from recycled records :-). Then obviously the night wouldnt be complete without a visit to the doggiest pizza place in Montreal, which advertises pizza for $0.99 but actually charges $1.79, but it has a sesame seed crust so we don't complain :-) The night finished with probably the strangest thing yet to happen in Montreal, we were waiting on the metro platform but instead of a train arriving down the tracks, a tractor came trundling down....

I spent the weekend in Trois-Rivières at Gen's house. Was soooo lovely just to get out of the city and see some green!! Just chilled for most of the weekend; we went to the beach (whoop I love wearing my bikini in September, so wrong but so right), ate sooooooo much good food, and played some stonking Canada vs England tennis matches!

And now it's time what you've all been waiting for; Scarlett corner! Alas there has been a lack of quotes this past week, maybe she is being more selective as to when she opens her mouth...humm anyway I still have a couple of blinders for you;

Scarlett "That Sarkozy guy is quite hot. I was watching him on youtube with that Sigorney Weaver woman."

Scarlett "If we were all naked wouldn't life be a lot easier, I mean we would all be thin!"

Aujourd'hui dans notre cours de français....

Today was our last installement of Karine (the "quebecois" teacher for all us "immigrants"). As per usual culture is the aim and confusion is the consequence but it's been an amazing opportunity to learn about a culture I didn't really realise existed before coming here. We watched some wicked comedy clips from a show called "Têtes à claques," it's got quite a Little Brtain vibe to it but obviously in quebecois;

So now I'm a quebecoise pro, I thought it's about time I gave you all a little insight into french-canadian French and illustrate that what they are speaking is not French, its just a lot of funny noises that sometimes maybe perhaps sound a little bit like French and a lot like English (they have soooo many anglocisims). So below I invite you to indulge in Lorna's whirlwind french-canadian French dictionary (which will be added to when I occasionally learn things... occasionally probably meaning never), bonne chance!

Pantoute = pas de tout
Placoter = discuter
Jaser = parler
Une brouse = une bierre
Une patate frite = les frites
Mon chum = mon copain
Ma blonde = ma copaine
Un char = une voiture
Etre sur son 36 = etre chic
Avoir le cœur gros = etre triste
Capoter = devenir fou
Magasiner = faire des courses
C’est tiguidou = c’est d’accord ou c’est parfait
Il mouille = il pleut
Se faire griller la couenne = se faire bronzer
C'est plate = c’est enuyant
Moi tou = moi aussi
Mettre le son dans l’tapis = mettre la musique a plein volume
Niaiser = faire l’imbecile
Prendre une marche = faire une ballade à pied
Quessé = que'est-ce que tu fais?
Avoir du fun = s'amuser
Astheur = a cette heure
C'est pas crayable = c'est pas croyable
C'est the top = on ne fait pas mieux
Un pitou = un chien
Canceller = annuler
Rusher = se depecher
Souper = repas du soir
En masse = beaucoup
Je suis mal pris = j'ai besoin d'aide
Un super patente = un super truc
Arret de nous bullshitter = ....
Shipper = envoyer
Aye! Le zouf = Un homme stupide
Pis = puis
Prendre ca cool = relaxe
Viens icitte = viens ici
Book-moe un vol rush rush (hehehe) = reserve-moi un vol vite vite

Ps, I just can't wait to get back to Bath and do a presentation and for everyone to turn around and go "she said what....."

Ségo, nous t'aimons!

Heta and I (chief immigrant geeks) went to Ségolène Royal's lecture at the University of Montreal today, whoop whoop! Talking about la francophonie, she created quite a stir, illustrated by the fact they could have filled the huge amphitheatre thrice over and the fact the tiny tiny French lady got mobbed as she tried to leave. Still clearly passionate about the environment and dressed to kill in (need i say it) Channel she didn't disappoint the crowd! Speaking about le francais apparently by 2050, 300 million people will speak French, and that French (alongside English) is the only language in the world spoken on every continent; "la francophonie, c’est un vaste pays sans frontière, c’est le pays de l’intérieur, c’est le pays de l’invisible, spirituel, mental, moral, qui est en chacun de nous."

HOWEVER I advise you all to steer clear of Heta who is never washing again (after shaking Ségo's hand post speech).

Jo-sea!!!!

I have a new lover, well musically this time at least, she's called Jose Vanders (rhymes with does)....Chloe knows her and raved, so just as with my mission to spread my Kate Nash love I thought id just let you know!! Don't worry people my undying love for Kate and Miss Spektor still lives on, but change is nice, that and this girl loves hob knobs!!! (the sound is kinda shit on the video below...her myspace is betters..."faces going places" is pretty) HAPPY FACE!!

Visual fancies from Quebec :-)

Canada how I love you so so so!

Good morning and welcome to this weeks addition of “Canada how I love you so so so.” The agenda for this week’s bulletin is as follows

1. Tee totalism is on the increase in Montreal
2. I “heart” Quebec city and Jenna “hearts” gin
3. Miss I like to say funny things Seagar

1. Well I’ve given up the booze!! Yes I know, surprise surprise BUT MY LIVER HURTS!! And a lot of the reasoning behind my new found teetotalism is thanks to Miss Genevieve Laquerre!! One would think that one’s best friends, 5 years my senior, would be a sensible steady influence, oh no, that girl got me so drunk on Tuesday I FOGOT WHERE I LIVED!! You mother would be ashamed Miss Laquerre hehe especially when she told me afterwards that she slept for 18 hours solid, I had a class at 3pm the next day…not nice!! And Ollie, this made your 14-pint binge look like a walk in the park (we had to pull the taxi over 3 times so a certain someone could chuck up). Anyway not drinking avoids me becoming “that bird with the beer belly” hehe and means I can starts swimming lots and lots and lots and lots in time for Cuba!! God, and I thought the English knew how to drink!

2. This weekend 100 of us went to Quebec City with HEChange. It started as it meant to go on, with a “how many baby carrots can you fit in your mouth” competition and developed into a weekend of drunken debauchery (although this time it wasn’t mine), a lot of bus time, and a little bit of frost bite!

Having set off from Montreal at some god unearthly hour we finally arrived in Quebec City (about 2.5 hours away) where we were given a guided tour by the man that won the award, “Most annoying man in Canada 2006-2007.” The tour pretty much involved us laughing at him rather than at his very very very poor jokes about Scottish men not wearing underwear underneath their kilts in Canada (“would want those bits getting frost bite would you”), the drinking habits of men from Calgary and a very short lived battle of 15 minutes where the English inilated the French (again I hear you say) to gain control over Canada, which coincidental wasn’t the battle of Hastings! We then trundled off like good little tourists to visit the chutes de Momonrency (a waterfall to those of you who don’t parler francais). Nothing like standing in the pouring rain looking at water pounding off a mountain side and thinking how funny it would be if someone tried to go over it in a barrel! We then went to our uber posh Hilton Hotel room, oh year baby us echange students don’t do slumming it, where our afternoon mainly consisted of Pringles, Chips Ahoy and trashy celeb gossip magazines (when in Rome and all that…). Dawn and I ventured out for dinner and to stop at the “liquor store” for some gin (Bombay Sapphire no other) and then the night began!!!!! I suppose I should have been wary from the beginning when we started playing “Canadian football drinking games” for those of you not used to the drinking ways of 1 Rivers Street you basically watch football and then drink whenever you see a referee, a cheerleader, a coach, a tackle, or indeed see someone kick or throw the ball. Scarlett was being a whisky bore with her pathetic measures so we sorted her out yet Jenna was having no problems slugging back the gin. Leaving the hotel room to go the club produced probably the funniest “flying the British flag” moment of all times, I have some videos which are worth a lot in bribary fees which if you are lucky you will get a look at once this semester! Anyway needless to say Jenna didn’t make it to the club and she was packed off home in a taxi! Go Jenna! Go Jenna! Go Jenna! So she left me and Scarl flying solo. The club was cool but pretty uneventful; our search for food at 2am however did end in us being in a lockin at a random openmike night with crazy crazy local Quebec music! Having got back to the hotel we were greeted by the pleasantness of Jenna’s sick, nice classy girls us Brits! I did my mum (à la Nicola Bliss) routine and donned my rubber gloves, oh how I loved it so! (that last bit was sarcastic if you couldn't tell).

Sunday morning meant a very early wake up COS WE WERE GOING TO SEE THE WHALES!!!! Jenna felt rough as hell and had no memory past about 9pm which was hilarious. I however was seriously stoked about completing task number 28 of my 101 things to do!! Three hours later we arrived in Tadoussac after driving down the St Laurence River; seriously beautiful countryside but soooo cold and bleak! I cannot even begin to imagine how the River would look when frozen, it's a massive expanse of water! The next three hours were both the coldest and most amazing! We saw quite a few different ones not that I am able to tell you about any of them; they were big and blue/black/white and blew water from holes in their heads…hummm also saw a few giant seals which had heads as big as horses. I couldn’t believe how tiny their fins were because they were HUGE. We debarked missing a few fingers cos of the frostbite and returned home. Montreal, home, ha an interesting thought, but it really does feel like home now!

3. Scarlett has been on form the last few days with some pretty hot comments, a few I am not listing (to preserve her dignity) although the rest I think we all need to have a good giggle about. She said what……

Scarlett “I’m a human radiator in bed…in fact a few people have told me this…rather useful in the winter don’t you think?”

Scarlett “Would you be a pole dancer if you were desperate for money? I would, I mean it’s just like being in Guppy isn’t it” (Bath's Café Campus for all you Canadians).

Scarlett “Does anyone else ever feel the need to have glittery boobs?”

Scarlett “Do you think it’s really bad to have sex with a shower cap on?”

Scarlett “I was a cat in a previous life, I like being stroked!”

We all know that there's plenty more to come....bye bye xx

Je suis accro de CANADA

You all might have laughed when I said I was coming to Canada, well look whose laughting now because this week possibly three of the best TV programmes ever are broadcasted on my side of the Atlantic, UNLUCKY ENGLAND!!! :-)

Yohoho me hearties!!! I have a lot to inform you of since my last pointless ramblings! I'M GOING TO CUBA WITH THE GIRLS!! Oh yes, 1 week of sun, rum, cigars, “culture” and communism during fall break (October 22nd-29th). HEChange (the exchange committee at my uni) are probally the best organisation in the world!!!! They organise all these trips and events on a voluntary basis all to improve our "Canadian" expeirence. Out itinerary is somewhat sketchy as yet, but don’t worry, I’ll be gloating about it plenty enough over the next 43 days but already something tells me this small northern Caribbean island wont know what’s hit it :-)

Friday night was spent with HEChange and I had the most amazing time. They organised a "Quebec night" where the beer was cheap, the food was NASTY and the aim was culture. They made me eat poutine!! Its "quintessential Canadian comfort food" that has only three ingredients; french fries, cheese curds and brown sauce, (not HP brown sauce, like sauce that was brown...hummmm kinda like gravy but not gravy...) Anyway I'm open minded but PLEASE DON'T FEED ME THAT AGAIN! Hehe apparently if you have it at a proper restaurant then its good, but a word from the wise, never ever eat it when its been prepared by a group of HEChange organisers who are hell bent on turning 150 exchange students into alcoholics before going home for Christmas. After the gastronomic delights of dinner we went to a club called Altitude 737 which was for sure the coolest club I've been to over here. Being situated on the top of the the tallest office tower in Montreal means it has quite possibly the most amazing view in the world. Dancing beneath the stars on the 42nd floor might mean this club only has a summer long lifespan but the view makes it totally unforgettable and some how it justifies the numerous alcoholic beverages I consumed :-). After we left the club we ended up in possibly in the strangest senario of all time, a lock in at a Greek pizaria run by a crazy mafia esque Italian man and a lady from Shropshire. You can't get much wilder than illegal pizza at 3.30am when being greeted by "how many are you??.....4??....please come quickly." Classic night out!

This weekend has been spend WORKING. Yes I know it's dull but after my muck up last week (Scarl and I were supposed to hand in an assessment for one of our classes but we didn't do it because we didn't even understand that we had been set work never mind we had some to do!) I thought I better spend a weekend with my books which coincidentally COST ME A DAM FORTUNE! Unlike at Bath the library here sucks and has none of the core text books. This means you have to buy them all or fail, although something tells me that just buying them alone isn't going to help me pass, I might have to open them dumdumdum!!!!!

I am also majorly excited in the geekiest of ways possible because Ségolène Royal is coming to speak at the University of Montréal next week. After the lack of Nick Griffiths at Bath last year I'm so happy I have the opportunity to hear her speak, not that I'm likening the leader of the British National Party to the socialist party candidate in the French 2007 elections, Bliss will understand what I mean so ask her :-). Anyway, after my obsessively massive project on her last year at Uni it's a bit like getting to see Santa Clause, I told you I was feeling geeky!

After that bit of interlectualness I feel it's important to lower the tone again and highlight the fact that its almost Tuesday again so it means CAFE CAMPUS and $7 pitchers! :-) I've also died my hair (I haven't killed it, I mean I have dyed it, only it annoys Ollie if I spell it "died") back to its Peruvian colour, it's soooooo dark kinda makes me look ill (ha) but its quite good for comedy value and done in plenty of time for Halloween. Hasta lluego xx

Je suis une culture vulture

Our majorly sweet french teacher, Karine, is attempting to turn us into Quebecois culture vultures. However its failing horribly as the majority of the time I dont understan single word she says. Local music was something she introduced us to the other day, they are called Mes Aïeux and I think they are some sort of Canadian Hanson esque equivilent (all related, married, insest, long haired etc etc) so SoPhle should love it. I found a version for you with English subtitles, you lucky sods, I wish this place was subtitled!

HEC Montréal

Bienvenue à ma université, HEC Montréal! Il y a près de 12,000 étudiants ici à l’école et ce semestre nous sommes environ 150 étudiants d’échange de peut-être 40 pays différents. La majorité reste seulement pour un semestre donc les Britanniques sont l’exception (comme toujours) en restant pour toute l’année. Sandra (notre assistant d’échange) arrivera dans quelques semaines afin de « avoir le fun » avec ses étudiants de Bath, nous ne pouvons pas atteindre ;-). A la prochaine fois….

Scarlett phase 2

You'd think that in the 21st century there would be some cure for the terrible maladie known to us all as "foot in mouth" disease, alas all possiblities have been explored and it has become clear that Scarlett Seagear is suffering from one of the most advanced forms of the condition known to the medical world. For those of you not familiar with the term, "foot in mouth" disease is a verbal condition where the sufferer often speaks without thinking thus creating long periods of awkward silence or hysterics for those surrounding sed sufferer. Below I invite you all to share in the latest week of Scarlisms, if we can't cure her, we might as well enjoy her :-)

Scarlett "She is either pregnant, or she's had her hair cut!"

Scarlett "Is that lemon or gucuamoli?"

Scarlett "When was Brazil in the eurovison song contest?"

Scarlett "Do snakes have sex?"

Scarlett "What's a hemishpere? How many hemispheres are there? Are there 2?"

Scarlett "Is it a 69 or a 98?"

Scarlett "'A fictional character I would like to go out with? Hummmm, maybe a Rugrat!"

When looking further into the condition one discovers that many a celebrity also suffers from this verbal problem and that there is even an award given anually, shotgun nominating Scarl!

What do you mean there's no alcohol?!

Popular to contrary belief (and to reassure my mother) I have done other things in Montreal apart from drink! Yes I know, its hard to believe I've had any time for "culture" but when in Rome and all that ;-)

Every Sunday at Mont Royal Park is known as Tam Tam Sunday and it draws hundreds of people for what can only be described as a massive impromptu party. People sitting in a huge drumming circle with their bongo-like drums playing along to a rhythm that never seems to end, surrounded by spontaneous dancers in their various arrays of hippy attire. Yesterday produced a man in a leopard thong who was a very enthusiastic groover and another dressed as Jesus carrying a massive picture of a tree. Womad festival in my own back garden :-). However its days are numbered as it only lasts throughout the summer months.

Last Saturday's football match (Montreal Alouettes v Hamilton) was probably the most surreal and cheesy experience on my trip to conquer north America. Three hours of total confusion, and when I thought I'd finally understand what the hell is going on they'd start running in a total opposite direction and contradict everything that I thought I had just come to understand, HA! The atmosphere was pretty wicked, cheerleaders in four inch thick foundation, and wait for it, there was even a marching band!! Oh yes, American Pie eat your heart out (soPhle would have loved it). We won the match, not that I could tell you how, by what score, and indeed if we were any good, I'll be sticking with the hockey for now at least.

So apart from watching lycra clad men in very very funny shorts and other men dressed like Jesus we had a serious exciting trip to the "Festival des Films du Monde." Quoted as being "a prestigious international film festival attracting stars, directors, producers, writers and about half a million visitors" it was for sure the most hilarious cinematic experience of my life. Lets just say Iraqi cinema aint what it used to be. "Fatima" was probably the best comedy film I've ever seen, the only problem being that it wasn't a comedy, the acting was just hilarious! So we had to sit there for a good hour and a half biting the insides of our cheeks to stop the hysterics and disdaining looks from the "arty" people sat around us. Imagine Hollyoakes cross Borat cross the Waltons and you might get the image.

Home

Bit of bad news from home today, the eco house isn’t going to plan and the council have put an injunction in banning the roofing that dad had chosen, he is “spitting feathers.” I don’t understand why they have been so uncooperative throughout this whole project and are unable to see how freaking amazing it will look when its finished. So the scaffolding is up and its being paid for and no one can do anything because of some architecturally blind man in an office in Beverley, twat!! I mean it can only get better right -->

On the other hand the great news is that Ali passed his driving test, seriously chuffed for him but I AM SOOOOOO SCARED that he is now in charge of India. I can already imagine that Kera Knightly has been banished from the key chain and some Page3 blond has replaced it. Ha. Please let me come home with her in one piece Ali!!! He has also finally escaped the grasps of Scarborough College and is off to York College from September to study photography, the end of an era!

And Chloe continues to dominate the world of golf single handedly and probably half of Yorkshires unsuspecting 13 year old boys ;-). Need I say anymore :-). X